10 Things Women Shouldn’t Do On First Dates

A first date is your opportunity to make a powerful first impression, explore chemistry, and begin to get to know someone beyond surface-level attraction. But even if you’re eager for connection, a few missteps can quickly derail your chances of a second date — especially if you’re carrying the emotional weight of past relationships.

This guide reveals the 10 things you should never do on a first date — rooted in psychology, practical wisdom, and real-world dating dynamics — to help you feel prepared, confident, and authentically you.

1. Don’t Pretend to Be Someone You’re Not — Even If You’re Trying to Impress

It’s tempting to put on a polished persona when you’re trying to impress, but if you stray too far from who you are, you’ll end up setting expectations you can’t maintain.

Here’s what not to do if you want to stay true to yourself:

• Don’t agree with every opinion your date has just to avoid conflict.
• Don’t claim to love a hobby or interest that bores you to tears.
• Don’t fake confidence if you’re feeling awkward — honesty is relatable.

You don’t have to bare your soul on a first date, but pretending to be someone you’re not will feel uncomfortable and unsustainable. Confidence comes from being aligned with your values, not from performing for someone else’s approval.

2. Don’t Turn the Conversation Into a Monologue

It’s natural to fill silences, especially if you’re nervous, but dominating the conversation can make your date feel ignored or overwhelmed. A first date is simply a chance to connect — not a performance.

Instead of monologuing, aim for:

• A 50/50 split in talking and listening.
• Follow-up questions that show you’re genuinely interested.
• Pauses give both of you time to reflect and respond.

People want to know that you see and hear them. When you actively listen and engage, you demonstrate emotional intelligence and create a space for real connection.

3. Don’t Talk About Your Ex or Past Relationships

We get it — past relationships shape who you are. But discussing your ex on a first date, especially in detail, can make your new connection feel like a comparison or a rebound.

Avoid these common pitfalls:

• Talking negatively about your ex-boyfriend.
• Recalling romantic moments from old relationships.
• Listing everything your past partner did wrong.

Even if it’s meant to be cathartic, your date will likely find it awkward or off-putting. Keep the focus on who you are now — not who hurt you before.

4. Don’t Overdress or Choose an Uncomfortable Outfit

Want to look presentable and feel amazing? Then, wear something that reflects your personality and keeps you comfortable. An uncomfortable outfit can distract you, making it harder to relax and engage.

Here’s what to consider when getting dressed:

• Choose something that makes you feel confident, not constricted.
• Avoid outfits you constantly need to adjust or fidget with.
• Dress appropriately for the venue — a coffee date needs a different attire than a wine bar.

Ultimately, if you feel comfortable, you’re more likely to be present, authentic, and open — all essential ingredients for a good first date.

5. Don’t Get Drunk — Even If You’re Nervous

Having a drink to settle the nerves? Fair play. But crossing the line into tipsy or drunk can lead to saying things you didn’t mean or worse — doing things you regret.

Why getting drunk on a first date is a bad idea:

• You’re more likely to overshare or talk about your ex.
• You can’t properly focus on the present or read signals.
• You might misjudge the situation and do something you shouldn’t (e.g. grab your date too soon).

It’s okay to have a glass of wine, but know your limits. If you want to make a good impression, stay composed, not slurred.

6. Don’t Constantly Check Your Phone or Scroll Through Social Media

Constantly checking your phone or scrolling through social media can completely ruin the mood. It signals disinterest and makes the other person feel unimportant.

Avoid this by:

• Put your phone in your pocket, not on the table.
• Turning off notifications ahead of time.
• Excuse yourself politely if you need to respond to something.

Remember, being fully present shows respect and interest — and that’s exactly the kind of behaviour that builds genuine attachment.

7. Don’t Be Rude to Staff or Strangers

Rude behaviour — whether it’s snapping at a waiter or complaining loudly — reveals more than you think. It suggests a lack of empathy, patience, or self-awareness, and it can make you come across as entitled.

On a first date, you should:

• Say “please” and “thank you”.
• Be kind to everyone, not just your date.
• Handle small inconveniences with grace.

Your date’s watching how you treat people’s time and effort — not just theirs. Respect builds rapport fast.

8. Don’t Dive Into Religion, Politics, or Other Hot Topics Too Soon

Unless you both explicitly agree to discuss big issues, avoid intense subjects like religion or politics on the first date. These topics can be divisive and create tension before you’ve even established basic trust.

There’s a fine line between deep and heavy. Start with curiosity, light banter, and stories — save the worldview breakdown for later.

9. Don’t Make the Date Feel Like a Job Interview

When you’re eager to know where someone stands on marriage or long-term plans, it’s tempting to fast-track the process. But when you pepper your date with serious questions (“Do you want to marry? How much do you earn? Where do you see yourself in five years?”), It can feel more like a vetting session than a romantic moment.

Instead of grilling your date, try this:

• Share your values, and let them respond naturally.
• Ask open-ended questions that spark stories.
• Be patient — you’ll learn more over time.

You don’t need to tick every box on night one. Take the time to enjoy the experience of getting to know someone without pressure.

10. Don’t Stay If You Feel Uncomfortable — It’s Okay to End It Early

Some dates just don’t click, and that’s fine. Whether you’re going through the motions or just not feeling safe, you shouldn’t force yourself to stay.

Trust your instincts if:

• You feel pressured, judged, or uneasy.
• You’re not being respected or heard.
• You’re already fantasising about calling a cab to leave.

Your comfort, safety, and peace of mind come first — always.

Final Thoughts: How to Make the Best Possible First Impression

A first date isn’t an audition. It’s a meeting of two humans, each with hopes, history, and a desire to connect. Whether you’re newly single or navigating long-term recovery from past relationships, remember: you deserve a second date with someone who likes you for you.

If you’re thoughtful, grounded, and present, you’ll demonstrate confidence — and give the best possible version of yourself the spotlight it deserves.

Rachel Hall

Rachel Hall, M.A., completed her education in English at the University of Pennsylvania and received her master’s degree in family therapy from Northern Washington University. She has been actively involved in the treatment of anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, and coping with life changes and traumatic events for both families and individual clients for over a decade. Her areas of expertise include narrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and therapy for traumatic cases. In addition, Rachel conducts workshops focusing on the psychology of positive thinking and coping skills for both parents and teens. She has also authored numerous articles on the topics of mental health, stress, family dynamics and parenting.