Last Updated on September 11, 2025 by Rachel Hall

5 Things You Should Never Talk About on a First Date (What to Say on a First Date and What to Avoid on a First Date When You Ask on a First Date)

A first date can feel exciting, nerve-racking, and full of potential. For many people, it feels a little like preparing for a performance: choosing the right outfit, rehearsing what to say on a first date, and worrying about saying the wrong thing. You want to create a strong first impression, avoid silence, and hopefully pave the way for another date or even a second date.

The problem is, some conversation topics can quickly ruin that spark. Bringing up your ex, unloading your insecurity, or talking about money as though it were a job interview can come across as judgmental, off-putting, or simply too much too soon.

In this article, we’ll cover the five things you should never talk about on a first date, explain why they’re dangerous, and suggest better questions to ask to keep things light, genuine, and engaging.

1. Past Relationships and Talking About Your Ex

Mentioning past relationships might feel natural, but dwelling on an ex on a first date is almost always a mistake. It can create an awkward vibe and give the impression that you’re not ready to move forward. Even if you try to spin it positively, too much detail makes the evening feel less about getting to know each other and more about rehashing old wounds.

A relationship expert or dating coach will often warn that speaking at length about ex-partners is one of the biggest red flags. Your date wants to feel like your focus, not like a therapist listening to unresolved pain. Overexplaining can feel like an interview or, worse, an interrogation.

✅ What to say instead

If the subject of your ex comes up, keep it brief and neutral. Focus instead on what you’re looking for in a potential partner. Shift the conversation on a first date towards positive topics: travel dreams, favourite foods, or hobbies. This helps establish a genuine connection without overstepping a boundary.

2. Oversharing Your Sexual History

One of the clearest things you should never talk about on a first date is your sexual history. While openness is important in sex and relationships, this kind of intimacy should unfold gradually, not be dumped on someone you’ve just met. Oversharing is often off-putting, especially when delivered in too much detail.

Discussing sexual history too early can also make you come across as lacking a filter or pushing boundaries before trust is built. In some cases, it may even be seen as a form of bombing — overwhelming your date with too much personal information in the hope of speeding up closeness.

✅ What to say instead

Save the personal details for later. On a first date, focus on keeping the mood light and playful. A good tactic is to use a compliment to break the ice or share a light-hearted anecdote. Ask questions like: “What was the best meal you’ve ever had on holiday?” or “Which film always makes you laugh?” These are safe, fun questions to ask that help you get to know each other without crossing sensitive lines.

3. Money, Politics, and Judgmental Topics to Avoid on a First Date

Talking about money, politics, or religion on a first date can create instant tension. While these subjects matter in long-term relationships, they are conversation topics to avoid on a first date because they risk making you seem judgmental or overly intense.

Interrogating your date about salary, savings, or political alignment can feel exactly like an interview. It’s the wrong setting for such high-pressure questions to ask, especially before you know whether you enjoy spending time together. The aim is to see if you click, not to vet each other as though you were hiring staff.

✅ What to say instead

Swap heavy topics for lighter ones. If you’re tempted to ask about politics or finance, redirect your curiosity into lighter conversation on a first date: favourite places to travel, dream jobs, or even quirky interests. This allows a natural conversation to develop, where both people can feel good rather than pressured.

4. Insecurity, Negativity, and Mental Health Oversharing

Everyone has insecurity, but constantly pointing it out on a first date can be draining. Joking once about your nerves may feel charming, but repeatedly criticising yourself will come across as low confidence.

Similarly, while mental health and wellness are vital topics in long-term connections, oversharing deep struggles at the start risks overwhelming someone who’s simply trying to get to know you. It can make the conversation feel like an interrogation or worse, a counselling session.

Dwelling on negativity is also damaging. Talking about how much you dislike your job, your family drama, or your daily stress can ruin the fun, light energy that a great first encounter needs.

✅ What to say instead

Instead of focusing on insecurity or problems, highlight passions or successes that reflect your authentic self. Use light stories that show ambition or a sense of humour, which help build a trustworthy and genuine connection. A date wants to enjoy spending time with someone, not carry their emotional load straight away.

5. Marriage, Kids, and Future Plans That Feel Like an Interview

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a family, but discussing weddings or children on a first date is premature. Asking “Do you want kids?” can feel like an interview, or worse, an interrogation.

When you start diving into conversation topics about life plans, mortgages, or long-term ambition, it can make your potential partner feel pressured. It’s another example of a topic to steer clear of until a genuine connection is established.

✅ What to say instead

Keep your conversation on a first date focused on the present. Ask light-hearted questions, such as: “What would your dream holiday look like?” or “Which band would you love to see live?” These create a natural conversation that helps you know the person rather than rushing into future planning.

Tips for Steering a Great First Date Conversation

Ask Open-Ended Questions Instead of Interrogation

Asking questions that need more than a yes or no answer keeps dialogue flowing. Avoid turning the conversation into an interrogation with overly specific or checklist-style queries. Instead, use open prompts like: “What’s the most interesting thing you’ve tried recently?”

(H3) Balance Talking and Listening

A great first date is about balance. Oversharing in too much detail can feel overwhelming, while staying silent may seem disinterested. The goal is a natural conversation where you share enough about yourself but also give space for your date to respond.

Keep It Playful and Fun

Humour is one of the strongest ways to build rapport. Using a sense of humour and playful remarks helps you both feel good and break the ice. A sprinkle of compliments here and there also shows attentiveness, provided it doesn’t tip into excessive flattery or love-bombing.

 Red Flags vs. Green Flags in First Date Conversations

Spotting conversational red flags early can save you time. Repeated mentions of an ex, constant negativity, or overstepping personal boundaries are signs of trouble. If someone makes you feel like an interrogation rather than a relaxed companion, consider it a warning flag.

On the other hand, green flags include curiosity, attentiveness, respectful listening, and a trustworthy approach to sharing. A person who mixes playful humour with openness is more likely to make you feel good and want another date.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

• Is it ever okay to talk about past relationships on a first date?
  Yes, but only briefly. Avoid bitter comments or too much detail, and don’t make your ex the centre of attention.
• What if I accidentally said something awkward?
  Acknowledge it lightly, use humour, and move on. Recovering gracefully often leaves a better first impression than pretending it never happened.
• What are safe questions to ask on a first date?
  Good questions to ask include travel dreams, favourite meals, or funny personal stories. These conversation topics help you get to know each other in a natural conversation without pressure.

Conclusion: Focus on Connection, Not Interrogation

A first date should feel enjoyable, not like a job interview. If you avoid the heavy topics of your ex, sexual history, insecurity, negativity, and future family plans, you leave space for fun, curiosity, and genuine interest.

By keeping the conversation on a first date playful, steering clear of pressure, and showing your authentic self, you dramatically increase your chances of a genuine connection. When both people enjoy spending time together, you naturally want another date, and from there, perhaps even a second date.

Rachel Hall

Rachel Hall, M.A., completed her education in English at the University of Pennsylvania and received her master’s degree in family therapy from Northern Washington University. She has been actively involved in the treatment of anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, and coping with life changes and traumatic events for both families and individual clients for over a decade. Her areas of expertise include narrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and therapy for traumatic cases. In addition, Rachel conducts workshops focusing on the psychology of positive thinking and coping skills for both parents and teens. She has also authored numerous articles on the topics of mental health, stress, family dynamics and parenting.