“ Hi, I’m Rachel and I smile a lot.
I don’t drink, don’t smoke, listen to the BBC and dance on Saturdays.
I eat a lot and work out even more.
I ski and try to tame the wakeboard.
I believe in love, the power of thought and the existence of gentlemen! “
This is what I have written about myself.
But let’s start at the beginning:
What was my strategy?
The most important thing is to determine
- Who am I looking for?
- How do I want potential matches to see me?
- What is my ultimate Tinder goal?
The description I wrote for my profile was the result of answering those three questions, and putting a personal spin on the answers. After that it was time to choose some photos, since that is a big part of the answer to question number 2. I wanted to show that I’m fun, sporty, active, feminine.
Here is my personal tip for a good picture lineup:
- One selfie (with a smile)
- One full-height photo, might as well dress up for it
- Hobby and activity pictures
What NOT to add?
A sexy photo where your cleavage covers half of the screen, and a wine glass or a cigarette are prominent in the other half. There are better ways to show the depth of your inner world.
What to write about in the first message?
Something that I can fish out of the person’s profile. If something caught my eye right away – that will be what I ask/joke/express interest about. To be honest though, on Tinder I mostly wait for the men to make the first move.
Most of the time they will message me first, but if they don’t, my initial contact will look something like this: Hey! I see you are seriously into travelling, what would you say was your favorite spot in country XXXXX? Or Hey! How long have you been surfing? I must admit, I tried it once and came out of it with a huge bump on my head 🙂
What did I look at when deciding where to swipe?
- What does he say about himself? An empty description yielded a swipe left on almost 100% of the cases. My logic behind this is such: if you came here with serious intentions you will find 10 minutes to write a few words!
- Does the person list his education and job description. When people “work at work and do work for work” I find it a bit suspicious.
- Does he have any hobbies, sports. Some mutual interests can go a long way!
So when would a profile get an instant swipe left for NO WAY?
- When all the photos indicate a huge show-off. Me and my super car, me and my super rolex, oh and did you want to look at me and my super car again?
- Only pictures from clubs, or surrounded by other women. I don’t have anything against either, but I think showing just that side of you is in bad taste.
- Lots of selfies (especially from weird angles), or mirror shots (I consider this not to be a masculine thing).
- When all the pictures are no-shirt shots, close-ups of abs or biceps. I mean, if you want yourself that bad, why are you looking for anyone else?
- That’s about it!
From there on it all came down to the quality of the conversation. I think every person can feel right away if their match is easy to talk to or not. If the flow and interest was there, we would decide to meet. The choice of place, time and format heavily relied on our shared interests and what we talked about, but that is a story for another time!
Rachel Hall, M.A., completed her education in English at the University of Pennsylvania and received her master’s degree in family therapy from Northern Washington University. She has been actively involved in the treatment of anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, and coping with life changes and traumatic events for both families and individual clients for over a decade. Her areas of expertise include narrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and therapy for traumatic cases. In addition, Rachel conducts workshops focusing on the psychology of positive thinking and coping skills for both parents and teens. She has also authored numerous articles on the topics of mental health, stress, family dynamics and parenting.
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