We’ve all been there: the butterfly feeling in your stomach as you wait anxiously for your date to arrive, the sudden blush as you see him or her for the first time, and the nerves as you try and make sure everything on your date goes perfectly well. Whether it’s your first time dating in a long time or just a guy you’re very, very excited about, first date nerves are a totally normal part of your life. However, sometimes those nerves can take over and translate into some really unusual behaviors that can even scare away your date if you’re not careful. Avoid taking on these six behaviors so you can make sure you won’t scare your love interest away on the first date.
- Acting Too Entitled
If you find yourself expecting too much of him on the first date, it might send a signal that you’re feeling entitled to him even before you’ve gotten the chance to know him. He doesn’t need to open your car door or automatically acquiesce to all of your demands. Expecting that you’re entitled to his time or that he owes you something for going on this date with him are big red flags.
- Expecting Him to Pay
The expectation that a man pays on the first date is a chivalrous but outdated gesture that not many couples stick to anymore. While some gentlemen might still offer to pay as a kind symbol for you, don’t assume that he will automatically pick up the check. If you do, it could send the sign that you already have too many expectations for him or that you’re not financially stable enough to afford your meal. At least offer to go half on the tab to help show that you can be an equitable partner in this conversation.
- Talking about An Ex
This is one of the biggest red-flags there are. Talking about an ex on the first date is a major sign that you’re not over your feelings there, whether you’re still harboring an unrequited crush or some frustration over how things ended. Either way, no one wants to hear about an old partner on the first date, so if you don’t want to send your man running for the hills, try to avoid bringing up an ex or old fling.
- Not Taking A Compliment
This can be a hard one for some women to wrap their heads around, but it’s important to remember. Most women are taught that it’s rude to agree if someone compliments you, but doing the opposite, putting yourself down (“thanks, but I look so ugly right now), can actually come off as rude as well. Needing a ton of reassurance and attention just to accept one compliment isn’t a good look for anyone, so find a way to gently and humbly accept a compliment and then dish one out yourself.
- Talking About the Future
This is another tricky one to master. Some guys don’t mind if you bring up your hopes for the future right away because it can help make sure you’re on the same page with each other when it comes to expectations and goals. Others might feel panicked if it’s your first date and you’re already talking about marriage and children when you don’t even know their birthday yet. Try to play things by ear and let the guy lead on this topic. If he brings it up, consider it fair game, but if not, maybe stick to other topics of conversation.
- Talking Down Other Women
If you notice that you’re talking down or complaining about other women a lot, especially around a new date, that’s likely something he’s noticed too, and it’s a big red flag. Jealousy is never a good thing, especially when you’re first getting to know someone. You can vent a little if you’ve had a frustrating day, but overall try to avoid harping on everyone you know.
Dating can be tough, but it also brings us some incredible experiences and lifelong memories. Next time you’re heading out on a new date, take a deep breath and remember you’ve got this! Your confidence will surely win him over.
Rachel Hall, M.A., completed her education in English at the University of Pennsylvania and received her master’s degree in family therapy from Northern Washington University. She has been actively involved in the treatment of anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, and coping with life changes and traumatic events for both families and individual clients for over a decade. Her areas of expertise include narrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and therapy for traumatic cases. In addition, Rachel conducts workshops focusing on the psychology of positive thinking and coping skills for both parents and teens. She has also authored numerous articles on the topics of mental health, stress, family dynamics and parenting.
