There are few things more funny than when two unrelated subjects share an acronym or initialism. For example, MLM can refer either to Men Loving Men (in a sexual/romantic way) or to Multi-Level Marketing (not *technically a pyramid scheme, but still a huge scam). The newest words to confuse people? “Ghost singles”. Anyone who is even vaguely aware of modern dating trends will, presumably, know that “ghosting” is when you match with someone on a dating app and then stop talking to them with no explanation. So imagine my surprise when I found out that actually, Ghost Singles is a way to help, um, dead people find love.
I am, initially, extremely torn. Whilst romantic love is wonderful, people who choose to remain single are still as interesting, fulfilled and valuable as those in a relationship. If someone dies without a significant other, that doesn’t mean their life was a waste – it means they spent their time doing other things. I don’t care if you’re in a relationship: I care if you’re happy. So let the dead be, and allow their memories to be cherished by those who loved them, regardless of their previous romantic connections. On the other hand, dating for ghosts is what Wednesday Adams would do, and I want nothing more than to support her dreams.
Traditions Ghost Dating Methods
After some looking around Ghost Singles, it becomes apparent that this is a prank. We should consider, of course, that this sounds like exactly the kind of thing a medium would do to steal someone’s money, and I think that my ghost-self would probably find it quite funny to discover my grandchildren sitting in a circle, speaking with a spirit guide and trying to get me the perfect ghostly girlfriend. For the record, I find adventurous and strange people attractive, so if I was going to date a dead person I would probably like Lord Byron or Anne Boylen, who has the added bonus of haunting the Tower of London with her head in her lap, which seems like a situation perfect for pranks.
Signing up for Ghost Singles
Now, despite not actually being a ghost, I did try to sign up for Ghost Singles to have a little look around to find a, ahem, kindred spirit. Firstly, I think we should review the site’s surprisingly inclusive attitudes: there are only two gender options, but you can find same-sex partnerships if you are an LGB ghost. You can also decide if you’d like to meet someone who died either a) horribly, b) mysteriously, c) tragically or d) suddenly. I appreciate the choice, wonder how I’d rate my own demise and want to know if it’s bad ghost-dating etiquette to ask someone about their mysterious death.
The site was created in 2009 and some of the dated technology does show. For example, it’s now common to use a first name on dating sites instead of a username, but the lovely ladies on Ghostsingles.com go by “eldritch_hottie” and “vengeful1”. Given that they’ve probably been deceased for centuries, it’s unsurprising that they haven’t changed things in the past 12 years, but it isn’t unreasonable to expect that the site would have received a makeover since its launch. Everything from the font to the layout is disconcerting – not because of the ghosts, but because it’s vaguely reminiscent of the Internet when Bebo and MySpace were still “a thing”. There’s a chat feature that allows users to discuss various ghostly matters and the language used is extremely concerning. No, the ghosts aren’t racist, but they say “ne1” instead of “anyone” and that is, well, nearly as bad. There are also audible screams, so if you’re prone to being startled, be cautious.
Finally, ghostsingles.com has followed many other sites and decided to offer some dating advice to their users. This has been specialised given their spot in the market and includes useful information like “don’t kiss” because of the lack of physical form and “ask questions” like “did they see a light at the end of the tunnel”. I suppose that confirms my earlier confusion: you can ask about mysterious murders and disappearances. If I get any matches, I’m going to try and find out who Jack the Ripper really was.
Lots of dating sites are looking for their niche. Some want to pair up animal enthusiasts or people with a shared religion, others are, apparently, light parodies looking to help the deceased. It’s kind of touching, kind of messed up and very, very funny. If you’re looking for something to break up the monotony of scrolling through Tinder or Bumble, trying to find someone with a very different perspective of history, ghostsingles.com is a pretty good place to start.