First date f-ups mean a total failure and a full guarantee that he/she will not call you back. This means that your time together has been wasted. If you, however, choose to prepare for the date in advance, you can easily avoid making such mistakes. So, to get to the point, here are the most common ways to ruin a date:
Talk about your ex
There’s nothing worse than telling the date in length about how nasty your ex was. Or conversely, list those traits of past partners that you consider successful and would like to observe in the candidate for the next relationship. Exes should stay in the past and not interfere with your future in any way.
Obsess about marriage
One other extreme on the first date is to discuss the colour of the wedding dress, or what your choice for baby names is, or who will pay the rent once you move in together. Noone can judge whether the relationship may to lead to something more before actually spending time together and getting interested in each other. This doesn’t mean you can’t talk about your future, life plans or dreams. Just don’t push your perfect life idea onto your date.
Take things too fast
Namely, rush quickly to get in bed with each other. The first date should not automatically guarantee an invitation for a nightcap. Both the man who assumes the invitation is forthcoming and the woman who thinks that it is expected of her are in the wrong. No one should have to fake enthusiasm or act on expectations and not genuine desires.
Of course, if the chemistry is there right from the start, there is nothing wrong about not wanting to dance about the subject and continuing the evening in a more private setting. On the other hand, a more traditional kiss on the cheek goodbye won’t spoil matters either.
Discuss politics
Arranging a political debate on a first date is never a good idea, more often than not it just doesn’ work. Quite an easy way to f*ck up a nice evening is to turn it into a heated political argument, similar to talking about religion or other hot topics of the day. If the two of you didn’t originally meet at a political rally or event, a much better idea would be to discuss your favourite book or movie.
Turn the night into a solo theatre performance
One of the most redeeming qualities in people is the ability to listen. An interested listener who is genuinely engaged in the dialogue is sure to make a pleasant impression – if only because in reality there are very few such people, since all of us mostly talk about ourselves in one way or another.
It’s a top-notch conversation skill to not just agree with your date, but to also add comments that are on topic and interesting to both of you, thus keeping your partner engaged and steering the conversation in a passive manner. Spending an evening talking exclusively about your accomplishments, successes, plans and problems can get you off – but it doesn’t make for a pleasant date for the other person.
Rachel Hall, M.A., completed her education in English at the University of Pennsylvania and received her master’s degree in family therapy from Northern Washington University. She has been actively involved in the treatment of anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, and coping with life changes and traumatic events for both families and individual clients for over a decade. Her areas of expertise include narrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and therapy for traumatic cases. In addition, Rachel conducts workshops focusing on the psychology of positive thinking and coping skills for both parents and teens. She has also authored numerous articles on the topics of mental health, stress, family dynamics and parenting.
