Keep Your Standards For Relationships High

Last Updated on December 15, 2025 by Rachel Hall

Keep Your Standards High: The Ultimate Checklist for Finding a High-Value Relationship That Lasts (Without Settling for the Impossible in Love and Dating)

Why High Standards in a Relationship Are More Important Than Ever

Modern dating can feel like a confusing game: ghosting, breadcrumbing, unmatched effort, and countless options. But amidst all the noise, there’s one thing that helps us stay grounded — keeping your standards high.

A relationship built on solid foundations doesn’t begin with “just seeing where it goes.” It starts with clear boundaries, mutual emotional availability, and a genuine desire to build something meaningful. With many people experiencing low self-esteem, anxious attachment, or past relational wounds, there’s never been a more important time to raise the bar — and stick to it.

Why it matters now more than ever:

• Anxiety and emotional burnout are common in modern dating.
• People often start relationships from a place of fear — fear of being single, rejected, or not “chosen.”
• Social media and dating apps distort our sense of reality, often pushing us to chase an ideal, not a real person.

Keeping your standards high acts as a protective shield against settling for something that only looks like love — but isn’t safe, healthy, or sustainable.

What Does It Actually Mean to Have “High Standards”?

Let’s get one thing clear: having standards doesn’t mean creating a fantasy checklist where your future partner is rich, tall, flawless, and obsessed with you 24/7.

It means identifying your essential emotional needs, understanding what truly matters in a relationship, and having the confidence to say no to anything that doesn’t align with your values.

Healthy vs Unrealistic Expectations in Love

Here’s where many people struggle: distinguishing healthy expectations from those that are impossible to meet. The right person won’t be perfect — but they will be present.

• Healthy expectations: Consistent effort, honesty, mutual communication, growth mindset, and emotional maturity.
• Unrealistic expectations: Expecting a partner to fix your life, be available 24/7, never make mistakes, or meet all your needs.

You’re not looking for a perfect man or woman — you’re looking for someone willing to grow, who treats you with care, and who matches your energy and emotional investment.

10 Bold Signs Your Standards Might Be Too Low

If you’re unsure whether your standards are where they need to be, here’s a checklist of red flags to consider:

1. You stay in situationships because you’re scared to be single.
2. You ignore red flags because you feel lonely.
3. You make excuses for poor communication or mixed signals.
4. You convince yourself you’re asking for too much.
5. You give second (and third) chances to someone who doesn’t treat you well.
6. You’re terrified to set boundaries because they might leave.
7. You don’t believe someone better will come along.
8. You ignore how you feel to maintain the illusion of a romantic connection.
9. You sacrifice your purpose or dreams for someone who isn’t committed.
10. You settle for being an option instead of a priority.

Lowering your standards doesn’t lead to love — it leads to emotional struggle, confusion, and eventually heartbreak.

The Essential Relationship Standards You Should Never Compromise

Think of this as your emotional first aid kit. These are the standards you need to keep — no matter how “good on paper” someone seems.

1. Respect – They respect your time, your values, your opinions, and your body.
2. Consistency – They don’t change depending on their mood, stress, or ego.
3. Communication – Open, honest, and effective, even when things get hard.
4. Emotional Availability – They are open, vulnerable, and present — not avoidant or dismissive.
5. Shared Values – You both agree on the big things: kids, lifestyle, purpose, integrity.
6. Effort – They show up. They build, not break.
7. Accountability – They own their mistakes and learn from them.
8. Safety – You should never be walking on eggshells.
9. Growth mindset – They’re working on themselves — not expecting you to fix them.
10. Mutual support – You create a team, not a one-sided emotional labour camp.

These standards are not just “nice-to-haves”. They are essential for emotional well-being.

How to Choose the Right Person Without Losing Yourself

The number one mistake people make in dating? Thinking they can “change” someone or “help” them evolve into the partner they need.

Instead, you need to choose someone who already aligns with your values, your goals, and your relational style. You’re not trying to build a person — you’re building a relationship.

 Stop Chasing — Start Attracting

You don’t get love by chasing it. You receive it by standing firm in your self-worth.

People with high standards aren’t cold — they are clear. They aren’t distant — they are discerning.

When you start showing up as someone who values themselves, you naturally repel the ones who only wanted access to you, not a relationship with you. You start attracting emotionally available people who desire depth, not drama.

That’s the kind of energy that builds something that can truly last.

 Why High Standards Are the Key to Lasting Love

The media sells us the fantasy that the spark is everything. But if you’ve ever been in a toxic situation with someone you were “so drawn to,” you know this:

Chemistry without compatibility is chaos.

People who want real, healthy love need more than attraction. They need:

• Trust
• Emotional safety
• Shared purpose
• Respectful dynamics
• The ability to face challenges together

High standards help you avoid mistaking potential for commitment. You don’t want someone who could show up — you want someone who does.

Struggling with Doubt or Anxiety? You’re Not Alone.

If you’re afraid to raise your standards because of rejection, or if you’re worried no one will meet them, you’re human.

This is where therapy, journaling, and honest conversations with trusted friends can really help.

Often, the wound we’re trying to heal is a deeper one: the need to feel worthy, seen, and chosen.

Raising your standards can trigger all sorts of old fears:

• “What if I lose them?”
• “What if they think I’m too much?”
• “What if I end up alone forever?”

But trust this: When you honour yourself, the right person won’t leave. They’ll rise.

Final Thoughts: Keep Your Standards High — And Your Heart Open

To keep your standards high doesn’t mean shutting people out.

It means creating a safe, intentional space for the right person to come in.

Don’t apologise for wanting real love. Don’t shrink your needs to make others comfortable. Don’t confuse compromise with self-abandonment.

And above all else, remember:

• Your feelings are valid.
• Your needs are not too much.
• Your standards are a reflection of your self-worth.

It’s not impossible. It just requires patience, clarity, and the courage to be alone long enough to meet someone who doesn’t ask you to change your core to be with them.

That’s how you build something beautiful. That’s how you create something that will last.