June 20, 2024
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Six Sayings To steer Clear of in Your Relationship

Oh, relationships. They’re a little bit like a roller coaster, wouldn’t you think? One minute you’re up, the next you’re down, and sometimes you’re hanging upside down wondering how you got there. As a woman who’s been around the dating block for a time or two, I’ve gleaned a thing or two about relationships and how to tend to one’s partner. Well, I’m human, and I don’t always stick to them, but we should at least try. Recently, I read an article in the Washington Post about phrases which should never be said to a partner. So, I’ve decided to delve into the perilous world of relationship communication. Let’s have a chat about the six phrases that should be avoided like the plague in any relationship.

1. “This is just like you.”

   Oh, this one’s a classic. You know when you’re in the heat of the moment and you just want to put across how your partner’s being their usual, annoying self. But darling, let me tell you, it helps about as much as a chocolate teapot. It’s not just an accusation, it’s literally a stereotype! In other words, ‘Remember every single time you’ve annoyed me? Well, you’re doing it again!’ Not exactly conducive to a loving relationship, is it?

2. “That’s not what happened.”

   Ah, the pleasure of ‘who remembers it better’ playing. This is what turns a minor disagreement into World War III. It’s not just a difference in opinion – it negates your partner’s reality. And believe me, in the annals of arguments, no one has ever replied with, “Oh, you’re right, my memory is rubbish, thanks for correcting me!” Spoiler: they won’t.

3. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

   Fun fact: telling someone they are invalidating your feelings is like baptising a cat. It goes very poorly. Minimising your partner’s feelings or the situation doesn’t make it go away, it just makes them feel unheard. It’s the emotional equivalent of telling someone to “calm down” – has that ever worked for anyone? Ever?

4. “I’m leaving.”

   Ah, the nuclear option. Saying “I’m leaving” during an argument is like pressing the big red button. It’s a threat, a way to gain control, and let’s be honest, a bit of a drama queen move. Unless you’re actually packed and zipped up and ready to walk out the door (which is a wholly different conversation), let’s leave the theatrics out of it, shall we?

5. “You are overreacting.”

   Nothing says “I’m not taking your feelings seriously” like this little gem. It’s patronising, it’s dismissive, and it’s guaranteed to make any argument about ten times worse. It’s the verbal equivalent of an eye roll – and just as likely to get you a cold shoulder (or a night on the couch).

6. “You always/never. ”

   Ah, absolutes. Nothing quite screams “accuracy” like saying someone always or never does something. Pretty much like perhaps saying, “Look here, I’ve been keeping a recording of all your failures just to let you know! And look there what I found out this time! You broke your old record!” Not fair, not true, and not helpful.


In conclusion, to navigate this stormy sea of a relationship, the lovebirds need to have a bit of tact, lots of patience, and a good sense of humour. Avoid these six phrases like a last train home on a Friday night, trust me, it’s just not worth the hassle. Realise that it’s not about being right, it’s about being happy. And sometimes, that means biting your tongue and reminding yourself why you love your somewhat maddening but absolutely adorable partner in the first place.

Here’s to love, laughter, and a little bit of smartass along the way!

Rachel Hall, M.A., completed her education in English at the University of Pennsylvania and received her master’s degree in family therapy from Northern Washington University. She has been actively involved in the treatment of anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, and coping with life changes and traumatic events for both families and individual clients for over a decade. Her areas of expertise include narrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and therapy for traumatic cases. In addition, Rachel conducts workshops focusing on the psychology of positive thinking and coping skills for both parents and teens. She has also authored numerous articles on the topics of mental health, stress, family dynamics and parenting.

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