The Better The Friendship, The Fewer The Hugs – Is That True?

Is It True That the Better the Friendship, the Fewer the Hugs? What Experts Say About the Best Friend Hug Theory and the Power of Less Conversation, More Connection

Is the “Best Friend Hug Theory” fact or fiction? A viral idea spreading across TikTok claims that the better the friendship, the fewer the hugs. This statement challenges everything we think we know about emotional bonds and physical affection. Could it be that friends who hug less are closer?

This in-depth guide explores the science, expert opinions, social context, and cultural nuances that define how we express love, closeness, and connection in friendships, with or without hugs.

 1. What Is the “Best Friend Hug Theory” and Why Is It Trending?

The “Best Friend Hug Theory” began as a short clip on TikTok, where a creator claimed that best friends don’t hug all the time; they hug less than acquaintances. The reasoning? A deep emotional connection doesn’t need constant physical touch. According to TikTok logic, when you’re truly close with someone, you naturally develop a more relaxed, secure relationship where public displays of affection become unnecessary.

This trend quickly went viral, accumulating millions of views and stirring debate. Some agreed wholeheartedly, commenting that they’ve known their besties for over a decade and can count the number of hugs on one hand. Others found it cold or confusing, questioning whether avoiding hugs equates to emotional distance.

But what does this theory say about our understanding of human bonds? And is it true?

2. The Science of Hugs: Can Less Physical Affection Mean More Emotional Closeness?

Hugs Trigger Hormones, But Are They the Only Way to Feel Close?

When you hug, your body releases oxytocin, often dubbed the “feel-good” hormone. This chemical promotes trust, emotional safety, and closeness, and is a critical part of parent-child bonding from early childhood. For adults, oxytocin fosters intimacy and connection across romantic and platonic relationships alike.

But while physical affection does activate neurological and hormonal responses, it is not the only pathway to closeness. Many friends—especially those who are introverted, neurodivergent, or culturally reserved—can build equally strong friendships without much or any physical touch.

Experts agree: it’s not about how often you hug, but how well you communicate emotional needs and honour each other’s boundaries.

3. Why Some Best Friends Rarely Hug—and Still Stay Close for Years

Respect for Boundaries Can Strengthen the Friendship

An essential component of any healthy friendship is respect, especially when it comes to physical space. While some people are naturally affectionate and like hugging, others may find it overwhelming or unnecessary.

Clinical therapists and psychologists suggest that being able to define and maintain your comfort zone is often a marker of deeper trust. When you and your best friend can be together, share moments, laugh, or confide in each other without needing to hug all the time, you demonstrate a bond that prioritises emotional over physical connection.

This is particularly likely for individuals who experienced trauma, were raised in low-touch households, or identify as neurodivergent. For them, avoiding physical gestures is not rejection—it’s a form of personal safety and emotional balance.

4. Real-Life Evidence: Friends Who Hug Less but Love More

Anecdotal accounts reveal that many of the strongest friendships out there don’t revolve around hugs. One user commented, “I’ve known my best friend since we were children. We’ve hugged twice in twenty years, and yet she knows me better than anyone.”

These stories suggest that the absence of physical affection doesn’t automatically translate to weak bonds. It may even signal a closer, more natural rhythm between people who no longer need to “prove” their connection through gestures.

Another person wrote, “My BFF and I hugged all the time in uni. Now we don’t talk. My current bestie and I never hug, but I’d trust her with my life.” These cases highlight the idea that shared experiences, conversation, mutual support, and time invested together often outweigh symbolic physical gestures.

5. Different Cultures, Different Connections: Hugging Around the World

Across the globe, different societies hold varying views on physical contact. In Southern Europe or Latin America, a hug is a standard greeting, even between strangers. In East Asian or Scandinavian cultures, however, personal space is emphasised, and such gestures are reserved for the most intimate relationships.

In Britain, a light embrace or handshake may suffice, even among close friends. Cultural conditioning often begins in childhood and carries into adulthood, shaping not just how often people hug, but how they perceive emotional connection altogether.

So, while the Best Friend Hug Theory may seem universal on TikTok, in truth, it reflects only one subset of global norms around affection.

6. Beyond Hugs: How Friends Show Love Without Touch

Physical affection is just one of many ways we express love and care. According to the “Five Love Languages” model, people give and receive support in different forms. In friendships, this might mean:

• Long, thoughtful conversations
• Doing small favours or acts of service
• Sharing inside jokes or memories
• Being present during tough times
• Creating space for vulnerability

The point is: if your friend doesn’t like hugging, but shows up when you’re sick, listens when you’re low, and celebrates your wins—that’s just as affectionate, if not more so, than a quick squeeze.

7. So, Is the “Better the Friendship, the Fewer the Hugs” Theory True?

The idea that fewer hugs = better friendship might be an oversimplification, but it holds value. Some friends communicate deeply without physical contact. Others hug often as part of their emotional vocabulary.

The truth lies in respect, mutual understanding, and alignment in how love is expressed. Forcing someone to hug—or judging a friendship based on how physically expressive it is—misses the point entirely.

Strong connections aren’t defined by visible displays. They’re felt in moments of silence, in consistency, and in the ways we make each other feel safe, valued, and comfortable.

FAQS: Everything You’ve Wondered About Hugs and Friendship

Should I stop hugging my best friend?

Only if your friend has expressed discomfort. If you’re both happy with your level of physical affection, there’s no need to change anything.

Can I be close to someone without hugging them?

Definitely. Emotional closeness comes from conversation, trust, and time, not just physical contact.

Why do some people avoid hugs even if they love their friends?

It might be due to trauma, cultural background, neurodivergence, or simply personality. Respect their preferences.

Final Thoughts: Hug or No Hug—True Friendship Is Built on Respect and Connection

At the end of the day, whether you’re someone who hugs all the time or not at all, what matters in a friendship is emotional integrity. How do you show up? How do you make your friends feel? How do you express kindness, even when it’s not through touch?

The better the friendship, the more authentic, nuanced, and boundary-respecting it becomes. If you’re comfortable, safe, and supported—that’s real closeness.

And if that comes with fewer hugs and more honesty? That may just be the healthiest kind of relationship of all.

Rachel Hall

Rachel Hall, M.A., completed her education in English at the University of Pennsylvania and received her master’s degree in family therapy from Northern Washington University. She has been actively involved in the treatment of anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, and coping with life changes and traumatic events for both families and individual clients for over a decade. Her areas of expertise include narrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and therapy for traumatic cases. In addition, Rachel conducts workshops focusing on the psychology of positive thinking and coping skills for both parents and teens. She has also authored numerous articles on the topics of mental health, stress, family dynamics and parenting.