Try This One Way To Build Better Relationships According To Science

One Proven Way to Build Better Relationships According to Science

Strong relationships are not simply a matter of finding the right person; they require ongoing effort, emotional intelligence, and an understanding of human psychology. According to science, many relationships begin with excitement but can deteriorate over time due to common psychological tendencies such as hedonic adaptation and negativity bias.

Amie Gordon, a leading researcher in interpersonal dynamics, said, “People often focus on what’s wrong in a relationship rather than what’s right, and this shift in attention can undermine even the strongest bonds.” This may be surprising, but it explains why so many romantic or otherwise relationships go wrong despite starting off well.

Fortunately, researchers like John Gottman and Julie Gottman have spent decades analysing what makes relationships succeed. Their work, alongside findings from psychology at the university level, offers one clear solution: gratitude.

In this article, we will explore seven science-backed strategies to build better relationships, applying insights from social psychology and real-life case studies.

1. Understand Why Relationships Decline Over Time

Many people enter relationships with high hopes, yet over time, they begin to feel disconnected. The University of Washington has conducted extensive studies on why this happens, and researchers have identified two primary reasons:

• Hedonic Adaptation – This psychological phenomenon explains why people get used to the good things in their lives. Just as a new car or house becomes less exciting over time, so too can a relationship if it is not actively nurtured.
• Negativity Bias – Humans are wired to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones. This evolutionary trait helped early humans survive threats, but in modern relationships, it can lead to unnecessary criticism and dissatisfaction.

Julie Gottman, a clinical psychologist, said  “It’s easy to point out flaws in a partner, but if we fail to acknowledge their strengths, the relationship suffers.”

A key finding from research suggests that those who actively practice gratitude can counteract these tendencies, leading to a more fulfilling relationship.

2. The Science-Backed Secret to Stronger Relationships: Practising Gratitude

One of the simplest yet most powerful ways to build better relationships is by practising gratitude. Studies from the University of Washington confirm that couples who consistently express appreciation for one another experience greater relationship satisfaction.

Amie Gordon, a professor who studies social interactions, said “When partners express gratitude regularly, they create a buffer against the challenges that arise in long-term relationships.”

How to Practise Gratitude Effectively

• Say “thank you” often and sincerely– Expressing appreciation, even for small gestures, reinforces positive feelings.
• Write gratitude notes – A short note, whether a text message or a handwritten letter, can serve as a meaningful reminder of appreciation.
• Create a gratitude habit– Incorporating daily or weekly moments of reflection about what you appreciate in your partner can rewire your brain for positivity.

Studies suggest that even tasks and events that seem minor—such as making a cup of tea or remembering a preference—can significantly enhance a relationship when acknowledged with gratitude.

3. Avoid the “Managerial Relationship” Trap

Over time, many couples fall into a transactional mode, where conversations revolve around logistics rather than emotional connection. Said Sara Algoe, an expert in social psychology, “Couples often shift their focus to responsibilities rather than each other, which can erode intimacy.”

This pattern, sometimes called a “managerial relationship”, replaces affection with discussions about chores, schedules, and obligations.

How to Prioritise Emotional Connection

• Make time for meaningful conversations– Instead of only discussing errands or work, set aside time to talk about your thoughts, dreams, and emotions.
• Engage in shared experiences– Participating in activities that both partners enjoy fosters deeper connections.
• Avoid multi-tasking during interactions – Being present in conversations strengthens bonds and minimises miscommunication.

According to research, couples who focus on connection rather than just completing tasks experience higher levels of emotional satisfaction.

4. Strengthen Your Bond with Small Acts of Kindness

Relationships do not thrive on grand gestures alone; small, consistent acts of kindness are far more effective in maintaining long-term happiness. John Gottman emphasises that “Successful relationships are built on a foundation of small, positive interactions that happen frequently.”

Simple Ways to Show Kindness

• Perform unexpected gestures– Bringing your partner their favourite snack or sending an encouraging message can have a lasting impact.
• Be supportive during stressful moments – Checking in with your partner and offering assistance when they are overwhelmed fosters emotional security.
• Validate their emotions– Acknowledging how your partner feels, even if you don’t fully understand, strengthens trust.

Research shows that even minor gestures can significantly increase relationship satisfaction over time.

5. Communicate Clearly to Avoid Misunderstandings

A common mistake in relationships is assuming that your partner knows what you need without explicitly saying it. Gordon said, “One of the biggest relationship challenges is unspoken expectations.”

The Solution: Direct Communication

• Use “I” statements– Expressing needs with statements like “I feel appreciated when you…” prevents defensive reactions.
• Ask clarifying questions– Rather than assuming, ask for clarification to ensure mutual understanding.
• Practice active listening– Repeating what your partner has said confirms that you have understood their perspective correctly.

These small adjustments can prevent many unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings.

6. Reignite Passion with Novel Experiences

Over time, routines can make relationships feel stagnant. One effective way to counteract this is by introducing novelty into the relationship. Studies from the University of Washington show that engaging in new and exciting experiences together strengthens emotional bonds.

Ideas for Adding Excitement

• Try a new activity together – Whether it’s cooking a new dish, taking a dance class, or exploring a new place, novel experiences rekindle excitement.
• Plan surprise outings – Unexpected dates or adventures keep relationships dynamic.
• Create traditions unique to your relationship– Personal traditions build a sense of shared history and intimacy.

Introducing novelty helps couples feel more connected and prevents relationships from becoming mundane.

H2: 7. Make Appreciation a Daily Habit

The most successful relationships are those in which appreciation is actively cultivated every day. Research by the Gottmans co-founders of The Gottman Institute found that happy couples maintain a ratio of five positive interactions for every negative one.

How to Make Appreciation a Daily Practice

• Verbally express gratitude for small gestures
• Give compliments freely and genuinely
• Acknowledge your partner’s efforts, no matter how small

By making appreciation a habit, couples can build a more resilient, fulfilling relationship.

Conclusion: Strengthen Your Relationship Starting Today

If you want to build better relationships, start by implementing these evidence-based strategies:

• Practice gratitude daily
• Communicate openly and honestly
• Make time for emotional connection
• Prioritise small acts of kindness
• Keep experiences fresh and exciting

Relationships require effort, but by using these science-backed techniques, you can create a lasting, meaningful connection with your partner.

Would you like to start today? Try one of these strategies now and see the difference it makes.