What Is Monogamy: Is It Realistic In Modern Dating?

Monogamy in Modern Dating: Is It the Right Choice for Every Couple?

In today’s modern world, monogamy is facing increasing scrutiny. While many still believe in the idea of committing to one partner for an entire life, others are beginning to explore alternative relationship models, such as polyamory and other forms of non-monogamous relationships.

But is monogamy still a viable and fulfilling choice? Or is it simply a social construct reinforced by religious beliefs and tradition? Many couples struggle with infidelity, unfulfilled desires, and the unrealistic expectation that their romantic relationship should provide everything they need emotionally and physically.

This article will discuss the shift in attitudes towards monogamy, analyse its strengths and weaknesses, and help you determine whether it’s the right choice for you.

The Evolution of Monogamy: How Did We Get Here?

Monogamy vs. Non-Monogamy in Early Societies

Throughout history, different cultures around the world have embraced diverse relationship structures. In early human societies, monogamous relationships were rare, and relationships with more than one partner were common. But as civilisations developed, marriage became a means of securing property, ensuring paternity, and strengthening family alliances.

In many traditional societies, fidelity was expected—particularly from women—while men often had more freedom. However, as the modern world progressed, expectations around exclusivity and emotional connection evolved.

How the Modern World Is Changing Our View of Monogamy

Today, many couples no longer see monogamy as a one-size-fits-all solution. With increasing social acceptance of non-monogamous relationships, people are questioning long-held beliefs about love and commitment.

Factors influencing this shift include:

• Rising divorce rates show that monogamy does not necessarily guarantee long-term happiness.
• The accessibility of online dating, where people can easily chat with potential new partners.
• A greater focus on individual growth, where people seek relationships that allow them to grow as individuals rather than feeling confined.

The attitude towards monogamy is evolving, with many couples redefining what it means to be in a committed relationship.

The Pros of Monogamy: Why Many Still Choose It

Despite the growing interest in non-monogamous relationships, monogamy remains the most common relationship model for several reasons.

Emotional Security and Deep Connection

Being with one person at a time fosters deep intimacy and emotional trust. Knowing that your partner is committed to you alone creates a sense of safety and stability. Studies indicate that people in monogamous relationships often experience lower stress and anxiety levels than those in open or polyamorous relationships.

Stability for Families and Children

One of the strongest arguments in favour of monogamy is its role in creating a stable home environment. Children thrive in households where they have consistent and faithful parental figures. Many believe that a stable marriage lays the foundation for strong family relationships.

Avoiding Jealousy and Emotional Turmoil

While non-monogamous relationships work for some, many people struggle with jealousy and insecurity. Infidelity, blurred boundaries, or lack of communication can be emotionally destructive, leading to feelings of betrayal and loss of trust.

The Challenges of Monogamy in the Modern World

While monogamy has its advantages, it also presents challenges—particularly in today’s digital landscape.

The Rise of Infidelity and Emotional Affairs

Even in committed, monogamous relationships, many couples experience infidelity. Some people cheat due to unfulfilled desire, boredom, or emotional neglect. Others form friendships that gradually evolve into emotional affairs, blurring the lines of fidelity.

The Fear of Commitment in Modern Dating

With divorce rates increasing, many are reluctant to fully commit. The thought of being with one partner for a lifetime can feel overwhelming, particularly when social media and dating apps constantly present new options.

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

In today’s digital world, it’s easy to compare your relationship to others. Social media fosters unrealistic expectations about what a happy, monogamous relationship should look like. Some people find themselves constantly wondering if there’s someone else who would be a better match.

The Shift Towards Redefining Monogamy

Ethical Non-Monogamy and Open Relationships

For those who struggle with the restrictions of monogamy, ethical non-monogamy provides an alternative. This includes open relationships, polyamory, and other forms of consensual non-exclusivity.

Relationship Contracts and Flexible Monogamy

Some couples create relationship agreements to better define their partnership. These agreements may include:

• Boundaries around external relationships.
• Discussing attractions openly without acting on them.
• Allowing certain freedoms while maintaining emotional exclusivity.

Is Monogamy Realistic? What Experts Say

Relationship therapists emphasise that monogamy is not inherently flawed but requires conscious effort. According to research:

• 55% of married women and 65% of married men have admitted to some form of infidelity.
• Couples who attend couples therapy report greater satisfaction in their relationships.

The key to making monogamy work is recognising that it is a choice, rather than a societal expectation.

How to Make Monogamy Work in the Modern Dating Landscape

If you choose to be in a monogamous relationship, here’s how to strengthen it:

Prioritise Open Communication

Talk openly about expectations, desires, and emotional needs. Keeping secrets can lead to misunderstandings and resentment.

Keep the Spark Alive in Long-Term Relationships

Routine and complacency can dull attraction. Explore new experiences together, take trips, and surprise each other to keep your romantic connection alive.

Set Clear Boundaries to Avoid Betrayal

Understanding what constitutes cheating in your relationship is crucial. Engage in regular conversations about emotional and physical exclusivity to ensure both partners feel valued and respected.

Conclusion – Redefining Monogamy for a New Era

Ultimately, the question is not whether monogamy is realistic but whether it is right for you.

• If you value emotional security, trust, and deep intimacy, monogamy may be the best choice.

•  If you feel restricted by exclusivity, exploring ethical non-monogamy could be an option.
• No relationship model is one-size-fits-all—it’s about finding what works for you.

Love is about connection, whether it’s with one person or multiple. The key is honesty, commitment, and mutual respect.

Rachel Hall

Rachel Hall, M.A., completed her education in English at the University of Pennsylvania and received her master’s degree in family therapy from Northern Washington University. She has been actively involved in the treatment of anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, and coping with life changes and traumatic events for both families and individual clients for over a decade. Her areas of expertise include narrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and therapy for traumatic cases. In addition, Rachel conducts workshops focusing on the psychology of positive thinking and coping skills for both parents and teens. She has also authored numerous articles on the topics of mental health, stress, family dynamics and parenting.