First Steps Towards Reconnection in a Sexless Relationship
After a long time together, it can be normal to have less sex with your partner. But if you’ve become sexless in your relationship, it might have more to do with the relationship than the sex. In many cases, sexless relationships are symptoms, not the underlying cause.
There are so many reasons why a relationship doesn’t have sex, from intimacy to physical challenges to trust breaches to parent exhaustion and beyond.
As long as everyone is on the same page, some couples are perfectly happy without sex. In most cases, however, sexlessness is accompanied by hurt feelings and confusion, especially when there is love but no lust.
Reviving a Sexless Relationship
To traverse that seemingly vast and vulnerable chasm in a relationship, take these steps to increase libido and bring sex back into your life as a couple.
Spend some time outside of the bedroom discussing your sex life. For many couples, the idea of not having sex is even more challenging than discussing sex. It won’t go away on its own. Don’t wait. In the end, resentment and contempt result from waiting.
Having this conversation will allow you to regain your sex life, and strengthen your relationship as a couple. A professional can assist you in facilitating this conversation if you need it.
Embrace the fact that your relationship is not broken, and that many couples experience periods with less sex or no sex at all.
2. Avoid blame games
Although discussing ways to improve is important, be careful not to place the blame on your partner. This isn’t a proactive or problem-solving approach.
Focus on your partner’s strengths while emphasizing what you would like to see more of. Alternatively, you might say, I love you, and these are my desires I would love to explore with you.
3. Schedule daily time for talking
Having a family and a household to care for often means speaking about the family calendar, to-do lists, and work while simultaneously scrolling through your phone.
As a couple, we’re not taking the time to be present and grounded with our partners. Dating involves getting to know each other. Often, we overlook the importance of this in long-term relationships.
Take at least 20 minutes a day to just talk. Don’t talk about bills, household tasks, or phones. You’ll rebuild your emotional connection as you begin to open up to each other again.
4. Be careful not to jump right into the sex
Skipping foreplay, especially for women, can make penetration painful since it warms the body up for sex. A woman can experience “anticipatory anxiety” over sex if this becomes a trend.
Plus, getting frisky is much harder if one of you is feeling anxious, whether it’s over sex or anything else.
To slowly ease into your sexual encounter, relax together with your partner to unwind. A bath or a massage is recommended.
5. Treat any physical discomfort
We naturally shy away from intimacy if sex is painful. Adding lubrication to reduce friction is another way to focus on foreplay.
As well as helping the partner in pain manage their pace and adjust if there is pain, the woman-on-top position can also help them control the pace.
We teach women how to associate their vaginas with pleasure when there is sexual pain. The feeling of sex alone can help a female partner remember the feel-good parts of love-making and reduce penetration anxiety.
6. Consider each other’s needs
It’s common for couples to have different views on what sex should look like, both physically and emotionally. The physical gratification of one partner may overwhelm the emotional intimacy of the other.
The two are valid, and they should both be cultivated. So that both partners can feel satisfied during sexual intimacy, couples should explore ways to enhance physical and emotional closeness.
Having sex with your spouse might not match exactly your greatest fantasies, but that’s okay—so long as you’re willing to meet each other’s needs, the experience can be fulfilling for both of you.
7. Try couples’ therapy
You don’t need to be scared of the word therapy. People often think couples counselling is for couples who are on the verge of breaking up. That’s not what I believe.
In couples counselling, you can build on your strengths and have a positive experience. To identify the goals of your relationship, it can be helpful to have a neutral third person guide the conversation.
No matter what you think is driving the distance between you, there may be more to it than you think. You can find solutions to problems with the help of a counsellor.