Want A Healthy Relationship? Lifestyle Coach Says These Are The 2 Things You Need

Why Do People Struggle to Build a Healthy Relationship Today?

In a digital age dominated by highlight reels and heavily filtered lives, the idea of a healthy relationship has become confusing, even unattainable. We scroll through images of couples laughing on beaches, perfectly framed proposals, and coordinated outfits — but none of that reflects the quiet, daily work that love demands.

Many people believe that if a relationship doesn’t feel exciting all the time, it’s broken. But that’s simply not the case. Experts say a successful and enduring partnership doesn’t rely on dramatic gestures or a constant emotional high. It depends on a set of core principles — ones that can be learned, practised, and embraced over time.

So, if you want a healthy relationship, it’s time to separate myth from reality. Based on insights from top coaches, including renowned lifestyle coach Mel Robbins, we’re going to explore the 2 things you truly need — and five more that will help you go the distance.

The 2 Most Important Things You Need to Build a Healthy Relationship, According to a Lifestyle Coach

When Mel Robbins talks about love, people listen. As a best-selling author, speaker, and coach, she distils complex emotional challenges into clear, actionable advice. And when it comes to love, she says that building a healthy relationship with your partner comes down to just 2 things.

Let’s take a closer look at the important things you need to stop chasing illusions and start building a real connection.

(1. Be Authentically Yourself — That’s the First Thing You Need to Be Focusing On

The first thing you need to be focusing on in any relationship is being completely and unapologetically yourself. In her podcast, Mel Robbins explains that only 11% of couples experience long-term compatibility based on immediate chemistry. The remaining 89%? They develop a connection over time — through comfort, trust, and shared vulnerability.

In short, you can’t fake your way to love.

If you feel like you have to perform or present a curated version of yourself just to maintain your partner’s interest, the relationship is built on shaky ground. True connection stems from being able to relax, speak honestly, and show up as your raw, imperfect self.

Your laugh doesn’t need to be cute. Your clothes don’t need to impress. And your opinions are allowed to stand on their own.

When you’re with someone who loves you exactly as you are, that’s when the magic happens.

“You shouldn’t have to hustle for affection. In a healthy relationship, just being you is enough.” — Mel Robbins

2. Accept the Annoying Stuff — Because There Will Always Be Things That Bug You

The second thing may not sound romantic, but it’s incredibly powerful: Accept the things that don’t change.

Mel Robbins highlights that around 70% of the behaviours that frustrate you about your partner will never truly go away. Whether they cannot load the dishwasher “correctly”, their relentless enthusiasm for golf, or their tendency to leave socks everywhere — there will always be things.

And that’s okay.

The key is learning to differentiate between harmless quirks and harmful behaviour. Accepting the former is a sign of maturity; tolerating the latter is not.

This concept is echoed by nearly every therapist who specialises in relationships. Love is not about sculpting someone into your ideal image. It’s about choosing to live with — and sometimes even laugh at — the things that make them human.

If you’re constantly battling the urge to change your partner, you’re not in love with them — you’re in love with their potential.

Want to Create a Healthy Relationship? Then Stop Chasing Perfection

Here’s the truth that few want to hear: if you want to create a healthy, long-lasting relationship, stop looking for a flawless partner and start focusing on becoming a better one.

The media pushes us to expect perfection: the perfect date, the perfect response, the perfect emotional climate. But life is messy, and love is even messier. A truly healthy relationship isn’t about never fighting — it’s about fighting fair and making up with purpose.

Conflict doesn’t mean failure. The absence of conflict often signals emotional avoidance rather than harmony.

Couples who thrive aren’t immune to problems; they just know how to solve them. They listen more than they speak. They reflect before reacting. They compromise without surrendering themselves.

5 More Important Things You Need to Build a Lasting Love

While Mel Robbins focuses on two foundational truths, other experts, including seasoned therapists and psychologists, have identified several additional components to build a successful relationship. Here are five more important things you need.

Emotional Availability

Can you openly express your fears, disappointments, and dreams with your partner? If not, there’s a barrier to true intimacy. Emotional availability is the bedrock of vulnerability, and without it, love becomes surface-level at best.

Shared Growth

A stagnant relationship is an unhappy one. You grow, your partner grows, and the relationship must grow with you. Shared goals, curiosity, and mutual development keep the connection alive.

Conflict Resolution Skills

Every couple will face disagreement. The question is: Do you attack each other or attack the problem? Learn to disagree without disrespect and find solutions that honour both perspectives.

Mutual Respect and Control Balance

A healthy relationship with your partner means respecting autonomy. If you constantly feel monitored, micromanaged, or manipulated, you’re not being respected — you’re being controlled. Respect doesn’t demand access to every text or every moment.

Independent Identities

Spending time apart isn’t selfish — it’s essential. Personal growth, solo hobbies, and outside friendships enrich the relationship, not threaten it. Control and dependency are red flags, not signs of closeness.

Insight From Therapists: Why Real Love Isn’t Found on Social Media

Social media may give the illusion of a perfect romance, but the reality is far from it. The likes, hashtags, and holiday photos rarely show the full picture. Behind every smiling selfie is a couple who probably argued the way there.

Therapists warn that comparing your real relationship to someone else’s curated version is one of the quickest ways to breed dissatisfaction.

Real love includes tears, awkward silences, miscommunications, and yes — forgiveness. It’s built on trust, resilience, and the quiet daily effort to work through the hard parts, not just show off the easy ones.

Final Thoughts: Want a Healthy Relationship? Focus on Progress, Not Perfection

If you genuinely want a healthy relationship, stop chasing the illusion of the “perfect couple.” Instead, look inward. What kind of partner are you becoming? What kind of space are you creating in your relationship?

Remember:

• Be your authentic self — that’s the first thing you need
• Accept what won’t change — that’s the second thing
• Then build from there: with respect, communication, growth, and love

There’s no quick fix. No hack. No shortcut. But there is progress — if you’re willing to do the work.

Rachel Hall

Rachel Hall, M.A., completed her education in English at the University of Pennsylvania and received her master’s degree in family therapy from Northern Washington University. She has been actively involved in the treatment of anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, and coping with life changes and traumatic events for both families and individual clients for over a decade. Her areas of expertise include narrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and therapy for traumatic cases. In addition, Rachel conducts workshops focusing on the psychology of positive thinking and coping skills for both parents and teens. She has also authored numerous articles on the topics of mental health, stress, family dynamics and parenting.